Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Catfight?


Is it true that Taylor Swift and Katy Perry are embroiled in a feud? That’s what on-line gossips like Perez Hilton are saying, but the evidence looks flimsy to me. Much has been made of the fact that Taylor released an album called Bad Blood, but what does that prove? ‘Bad blood’ exists between a wide range of antagonists in many complex and varied situations. You can’t infer the existence of a feud between two pop singers because one of them uses it as the title of a songbook.

It reminds me of when Paul McCartney put a picture of one beetle mounting another on the cover of a record he produced shortly after the Beatles spilt up. All the pundits assumed he was referring to what the Fab Four were doing to each other, but maybe he just thought insect sex was funny. I confess that the sight of bugs getting laid always cracks me up – it’s the deadpan expressions on their faces that does it.

In an attempt to gain further insights into the Swift/Perry imbroglio, I asked the manager of the safari camp what he made of the rumours.

“I couldn’t give two hoots,” he said. “Those vixens quarrelling isn’t going to change the price of jelly beans. I’m not taking an interest in the matter unless they agree to settle their differences woman-to-woman in a naked mud-wrestling fight.”

This lack of useful input from the manager prompted me to do my own research. It seems that Katy has a habit of getting pally with Taylor’s ex-boyfriends. First it happened with a fellow called John Mayer, who became the subject of a heartbreak ballad written by Taylor. Then it happened with a disc jockey and impresario called Calvin Harris, who is now one of Katy’s artistic collaborators. You could say it was a coincidence, but we gorillas don’t believe in coincidences. Miss Perry clearly has some weird fixation about bedding Taylor’s cast-offs.

I decided to ask my old circus buddy, Smacker Ramrod, whether he had ever encountered this syndrome in his long and distinguished career as a playboy and poodlefaker.

“Indeed I have!” he exclaimed. “It’s a competitive thing. The second woman wants you to tell her she’s better in bed than the first woman. I refused to comment until it became clear that she needed to hear it to get turned on. I didn’t want to say it, but a man has to be pragmatic when he trying to get a woman aroused.”

If Smacker’s evidence is correct – and I have a high degree of confidence in his reliability as an expert witness in the sexual habits of humanity – it reflects very poorly on Miss Perry. In spite of all the praise and admiration lavished on her and her impressive boobs, she remains a deeply insecure woman. One hopes she is undergoing therapy to deal with her issues. If that doesn’t work, she should spend a few months in a nunnery to get it out of her system. 

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Comments:
"I confess that the sight of bugs getting laid always cracks me up – it’s the deadpan expressions on their faces that does it." - bwhahahahahaha!

I am in the same boat with the manager; I don't give six shits about these two washed up has-been tramps.


 
Smacked is a wise man. No need to take sides unless it's expedient to do so. I'm not sure I would even pay to see them doing naked mud wrestling unless I was invited into the pit.
 
"I confess that the sight of bugs getting laid always cracks me up – it’s the deadpan expressions on their faces that does it."

I have an ex you should see.

I'll post pics.
 
Hell, they must both be hard up to sleep with slimy John Mayer. I need a bath just looking at him
 
I really don't care what's going on in the life of celebrities.
 
i won't be paying attention to the trials and tribulations of celebrities until the baseball season is over.

does the camp manager spring for the mlb baseball cable package?
 
Why anyone would downgrade from Taylor to Katy is beyond me, GB. Well, she does have bigger bosoms. There's that.
 
Taylor Swift is a good singer who has some fans who need a life. Katy Perry is overrated.
 
Anne Marie: And yet they have so many fans, Anne Marie. Who are all these people?

Jono: You could apply for the job of referee. That means you'd have to separate them during the clinches.

Harry Hamid: Is he related to Spiderman, per chance?

Mistress Maddie: I've never seen the fellow, Mistress. And after reading your comment, I am disinclined to look for a picture of him.

Mary: You are wise to remain aloof, Mary.

Billy: The manager prefers watching rugby, Billy. It's a sport involving physical contact between burly men.

Robyn: It seems to be the only point in Katy's favour, Robyn. Can a man get bored of big bosoms?

Pop Tart: I take your opinions as definitive, Ms Pop Tart.


 
I agree with the manager of the safari camp. Unless it changes the price of jelly beans or Smarties, nobody cares. Though talking of two hoots, maybe they should do a kiss and make up stage show with a bit of twerking wearing “Team” t-shirts. That’s what they normally do, isn’t it?

 
Perhaps what is going on is that Katy feels Taylor has a good understanding of what is desired in copulatory prowess, and so Katy feels comfortable in choosing her long-term cast offs as ways to scratch her itch? Seems like a workable strategy for Katy if all she is looking for is relief of the itch. Why would Taylor get irate, anyhow, since she cast the spent males to the sidelines?

Males generally are always willing to try to go the distance for a woman who gives the green light in that regard. We are nothing if not accommodating to a woman who asks.
 
Jules: Smarties are a currency in their own right, Jules. They have an exchange rate, not a price. How many Smarties is a kiss from Katy Perry worth?

Pipe Tobacco: An interesting theory, Professor, but how could Katy be sure that Taylor was satisfied by those men? I suspect that women of their type have many ways of satisfying itches - the official boyfriend is all about image.
 
Is this a repost, Gorilla? I could have sworn I have read this before.
 
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