Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Raccoon story

A Russian zoo has accused a video studio of corrupting the morals of one of its raccoons. Thomas the Raccoon (as he is known) was seconded to the studio to appear in a TV commercial. After returning from his assignment, the female zoo staff found his behaviour unsettling:

“We noticed he was attracted to women’s breasts,” said Viktor Kiryukhin, a spokesman for the zoo. “It took two to three months to change his behaviour. Now he is happy again… but he was sad before.”

The zoo management claim that Thomas was sad because he had acquired a yearning for boobies that could not be satisfied at the zoo. They blame the video studio for giving him this peculiar urge so he would perform in erotic videos they were making:

“They must have put out some treats for him, so he associated breasts with a treat,” said Mr Kiryukhin.”

The video studio has described these allegations as absurd, saying they wanted a trained raccoon rather than a young hothead like Thomas who ran off whenever he felt like it. The also accused him of stealing a model’s bra, implying he was already crazy about boobs when he arrived. They’re probably not telling the full story, of course. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had hired a busty woman to be Thomas’s nanny. Yet I don’t believe it’s possible to brainwash a raccoon into liking a woman’s jahoobies. These creatures know their own minds.

In fact, it’s far more likely that Thomas was upset about his return to captivity than the lack of bosom flesh within easy grasp. He must have had a whale of a time at the video studio, eating human food and playing all kinds of pranks. I don’t blame him for being sad when he returned to the zoo. Anyone would feel depressed about going back to a life of being pointed at by fat children with ice cream on their faces.

Instead of blaming other people, the zoo should find a new home for Thomas. Having allowed him to experience the high life, they can’t now expect him to be content in a zoo. An obvious place for him to go would be the Playboy Mansion, but it’s unlikely he could get an entry permit. The last thing Hef wants to see is a handsome young raccoon being petted by the playmates.

What Thomas really needs is a rich and kindly woman to open her doors to him. Pamela Anderson is always saying how much she cares for animals, so this would be the perfect opportunity to prove it with deeds. If she adopted Thomas as her pet and mascot, the animal kingdom would salute her as the Mother of All Raccoons.

As for the booby question, we shouldn’t assume it was a sexual thing. Maybe Thomas just wanted a nice soft place to snuggle his head between. If that’s all he needs, Pamela is well equipped to oblige. And if he wants anything more, someone can take him to a titty bar.

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"They blame the video studio for giving him this peculiar urge so he would perform in erotic videos they were making" Just what in hell Was he doing in these videos????

On a side note, this would explain all the raccoons around Anne Marie's house.
beeyotch! you're just jealous! MEOW!
Oh sure. It must have been one of those many, many ads where a raccoon obsesses over breasts.

How can you tell when a raccoon is happy?

Sounds like everyone loses in this story.
I associate breasts with treats too. I don't walk around mopey all day. Tell him to get over it. And that girl is lucky the racoon didn't scratch her eyes out. They're vicious animals.

i'd pay five dollars to be exploited.
It could have been worse. Treats on boobs are a double win but treats elsewhere…well, we don’t want our Thomas getting stuck somewhere where the sun don’t shine.
I generally agree that the pesky hormonal male is at fault, GB, but this has gone a bit too far. I'd like to give Thomas a smoldering hug up against my bosoms. He should be rewarded for all this stressful madness.
Mistress Maddie: If I were a raccoon I'd definitely have my nose pressed against Anne Marie's window!

Anne Marie: We're all jealous, Anne Marie. Of both you and the raccoons!

Harry Hamid: A happy raccoon is curious, physically active and doesn't stare at women's breasts.

Exile: You've got a lot more experience than a raccoon and have learned how to handle disappointment. Thomas is experiencing booby-lust for the first time.

Mr Rosewater: Could you act like a raccoon in a TV commercial?

Jules: Do you think the treats were on the boobies, Jules? That's a pretty shocking thought! A crime with two victims and no perpetrator - or possibly three victims.

Robyn: You're so kind, Robyn. I'm sure being pressed against your bosom would put Thomas in a state of bliss!
I have a feeling that you're right. He was probably sad that he was once again back in captivity.
Hi GB, it's good to be back for a catch-up. Still in good form I see, you are a resilient and talented ape. This raccoon business has left me confused. The poor creature obviously wants to be set free, with or without boobies :)
Mary: I have a feeling that you're right about me being right, Mary. :)

Joe: Welcome back, Joe! Yes, I'm sure Thomas puts liberty above boobies, which makes him nobler than many men!
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